Welcome to Things I’m Tired Of, my semiannual exercise in wishful ranting.
Over the years, I have declared myself tired of many trends, crazes, habits and phenomena — only to see them continue unabated.
Nevertheless, I press on. Call it wishful optimism. Here are the latest Things I’m Tired Of:
Did we really need imaginary money that is almost impossible to explain and has proven useful for financing cocaine deals and ransomware payoffs?
I don’t understand Bitcoin, Dogecoin, Etherium and so on. In fact, if I think too deeply about it, I don’t even understand regular currency. Countries can be riddled with chaos and dysfunction but everyone agrees on the exact value of a piece of paper? Well, at least it’s something I can put in my wallet, unlike whatever Bitcoin is.
Unruly airline passengers
Just another reason to hate flying. I’m already crammed in a metal tube hurtling through the atmosphere at 500 mph. And now I have to worry that some poor soul is going to explode in rage because he has to return his tray table to its upright and locked position?
The FAA has received more than 3,000 reports of unruly airline passengers so far in 2021. Here’s a travel tip if you’re thinking about turning violent on a jet: Expect most of the flight crew and at least a couple of dozen passengers to sit on you, while 45 others take smartphone video. And your reward? You’ll be featured on Unruly Airline Passengers, an actual YouTube genre.
Every season it’s something: Steroid use, sign-stealing, slow play, labor disputes. This season? Baseball has determined that it’s too hard to hit a baseball. Too many strikeouts are making the game dull.
During each crisis, there are dozen of stories written about baseball’s impending doom, which nevertheless survives to play another day (literally — some of those games seem to last longer than a flight to Australia).
Get it together, baseball.
What’s the song of the summer? The drink of the summer? The movie of the summer? Gee, I don’t know. Summer is all of a week old. Could we wait maybe until at least July before declaring the winners?
Apparently, there has to be an “ … of the summer” declaration for every category on Earth. Already this young summer, I’ve read about the insect of the summer (the tick), the snack of the summer (extra-crispy fried okra), the fashion accessory of the summer (angular sunglasses) and at least two haircuts of the summer (the “wolf” and the “bob”).
For the record, I’m also tired of rotating Jeopardy hosts, nonfungible tokens, sea shanties and gender-reveal parties involving explosives.
Joe Blundo is a Dispatch columnist.